2005-01-05..1:25 p.m.

Things I Did Not Do In 2004:

1. Win a Pulitzer for my amazing insight into, indie-darlings, Mum's new album.

2. Buy any green mascara, purple-framed glasses, pink bob-cut wigs or anything else that would make my general appearance infinitely more interesting at first glance.

3. Learn to drive in Britain. Granted I�ve not really driven much since the Big Crash of 1999 driving up to Uni City*. At all. I did do a driving test in Canada the month before moving here to extent my G2. And I did transfer my licence so I pass as a fully capable driver with a great rating and everything. But those were both in 2003. And I�ve only got great rating because I don�t drive over here. I should learn. One day.

*I was pushed off the highway by a car no one but me and my at-the-time boyfriend witnessed down the 75m slope of one of Ontario�s roadside ravines. During the descent I flipped once, rolled twice, up-rooted a tree, landed facing back up the hill and lost all will to drive.

4. Find work as a gun-toting, lever-pulling cowgal on the Mud Frontier (a moss covered flume ride) in Blackpool.

5. Go to a gym. Nor go swimming. Once. Not even in the summer. I didn�t buy a bike either. If I start whinging about the fact my hipbones aren�t making those hollow dead tree noises anymore when I walk, tell me to shut up.

6. Create a robot to do my evil bidding.

7. Make any soggy togu cookies. I was going to say �do any baking� but the Foray into Mince Pies righted that wrong.

8. Feel sorry when Ronald Reagan died.

9. Visit an exotic locale. In fact, the furthest I got was Bexley Heath. No. I lie: it was Oxford. Whoo.

10. Manage to work out how to use the pin-hole telescope thing during the transition of Venus.

11. Anger the gods and get attacked by a fury of fire ants with all my constant fist shaking towards the heavens at each lost night of sleep.

12. Run whilst holding a pair of scissors.

13.Refrain from stealing shampoo from my ex-flatmates at every opportunity. The same applies to nicking seeds, milk, juice straight from the carton, honey, and Q-tips.*

*Note I also didn't break the lease and escape even though, by May, living there was making me slowly crumble with loneliness.

14. Find a job writing music reviews in which I actually got paid in money as well as CDs and concert tickets.

15. Learn to look after plants, elephants or my fear of those bobbing-head things people stick on their dash boards.

16. Have a picnic in that tree in Hilly Fields.