2004-12-31..2:17 p.m.
It�s taken a couple of days, but apparently all that Nelle and I needed to fire back into our old scheming snarkmeisters in crime routine was for Edie to run into the street after James to inform the neighbours that he is a fucking worthless piece of shit and a selfish fucking bastard who doesn�t appreciate their relationship and that she hates him; for Paddy to set Love Will Tear Us Apart on repeat at 60 decibels; for me to yell at him to shut up because we have guests; for him (Paddy) complain loudly that he had nowhere to entertain his friends (due to Nelle and Mike sleeping in the living room and �When are they leeeeeeeav-ing?�) and then break into a rousing accompaniment to still more Joy Division with a tambourine at half-three in the morning; and for M to finally snap, storm out of bed and engage in verbal battery with Paddy in which Paddy bitterly shrieks that if he had been asked to turn the bass down he would have already done so and for M to return that he (Paddy) is an arrogant, inconsiderate shit who needs to realise that there are other people in the world including those who have to be up at half six in the morning and others who will be here, sleeping on the livingroom floor, all week.
It�s the little things that break the ice. It�s also the little cocktails of coke and booze that set these things in motion.This is fairly normal between Nelle and I. I think it�s because we get so excited about seeing each other that once we find ourselves Same Country we get unbearably shy and awed by it all and spend most of the first two days trying not to catch ourselves looking at the other. Also Boyfriend Mike is here. This is someone I barely know outside of that is was HE who turned my normally sensitive-towards-others Nelle into a harlot on Christmas Eve 2003 and as a result I learned to sleep slammed up against a wall in a one-roomed apartment with my fingers plugged in my ears. It was also HE who possibly turned my otherwise aware-of-other-people Nelle into a sleazy skankoid Non-Week Between Christmas 2003 and New Year�s 2004 by possibly fucking in my ex-flatmates bed. It�s only possibly because I never asked, and I never want to know, but the used condom found down the side of the garbage bin by the Italian guests of my other ex-flatmate says way more than I wish to hear. Regardless, that I know there has been no fucking of anyone by anyone other than M and I this week and of that I heartily approve. Especially because the fucking has been FUCKING GREAT! Maybe it�s the Festive Season giving its Yule, but man has this been a particularly good couple of weeks for that. Speaking of (Yule, not fucking):1. M LOVED his stocking and Badger, and if those make me the BEST GIRLFRIEND IN THE WORLD then I was equally matched by the BEST BOYFRIEND IN THE WORLD. M�s gifties included two FIRST EDITION Pan Publication James Bond�s, and a Japanese Rabbit vibrator. Now the first part is the best in the world. I�m not sure if you�ve ever noticed before, but James Bond books and the collection and the reading thereof are among my favourite things in the world, so not one but TWO FIRST EDITIONS just about made my dressing gown distress itself into Bond Girl tatters. The second part sounds like it could be a bit icky, but it�s something I�ve been lingering in sex shops over for ages and now it�s MINE! MINE! I may never come out of my room again.2. From people not M I received a black cashmere type cardie, the Von Bondies (just the album sadly), the Detroit Cobras (same), the soundtrack to Casino Royale, a travel mug (thermally goodness all round), desperately need mitties, a home knit scarf, a clockwork ladybird that knows where the edge of the table is and doesn�t go near it (as if by magic), sock but no underwear.3. There were very few inexplicables this year: a tube of mascara (haven�t worn make up on a regular basis since I was seventeen) and hand moisturiser. I think there may have been a mix up there as it was my Mum�s brand of mascara and my Dad�s brand of moisturiser.4. Christmas morning was spent wearing the paper crowns of crackers, opening stockings, taking silly Polaroids, playing chess, making out in the living room (which escalated to surprise sex)(SURPRISE! IT�S SEX FOR CHRISTMAS! WHEE!), and attempting Yule Greetings with the fam on my mobile on a line so bad that the conversation could be roughly translated as difficult and accurately translated as utterly futile. I�m fairly sure that my Nan, who already cannot hear, and I carried out three different conversations, none of them to each other.5. Christmas itself was spent at the Parental Abode of M with three of his siblings, one sister-in-law, a niece and a nephew playing chess, watching old videos of M and his sister as children and eating. 6. We ate some or all of: nut cutlets for the vegetarians and turkey for the non-vegetarians and brussel sprouts and carrots and broccoli and cauliflower and two types of potatoes and peas and soda bread with TUREENS of gravy and cranberry sauce* followed by Christmas Pudding** with brandy cream. 7. My contribution was a measly plate of mince pies and some brandy balls (the recipe of which I adapted from Schmutzie, happy birthday! Sorry I�m late, I�ve been internetless. Hope it was smashing.Happy New Year!****meep
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