2005-01-12..5:05 p.m.

This is part TWO. To see part ONE go here.

FILE UNDER FEASTING

I got this from M and it made me laugh so much I nearly ate my own fist.

I sent this to M and it made him laugh so much I nearly ate his furry chin.

FILE UNDER I CAN�T KEEP IT TOGETHER

I just went to see me Nan who either wasn't in or simply didn't hear the door bell. i had called earlier and she picked up the phone but couldn�t hear me. I called twice more and got no answer at all. I�m so worried arbour her. The kind of sweet/funny thing about it is that now the only way I can communicate with her when not in the same house is via letter, which is always nice. I�m already looking for a decent telegraph agency.

It�s been suggested that I might not be able to work at the Betsey Friday night and I�m desperately trying to keep myself there. I want to spend the whole weekend in Brockley and near the library -- and there's no way I can afford all the buses it would take to get to kings' cross. I�m so fucking broke right now. You know how much money I�ve got?? 11p. It's in my pocket. It�s my entire expendable wealth. I need a bike. I need a windfall. I need a scholarship or a loan or a sugar daddy.

I mentioned a couple of posts ago that Nelle and I were finally getting comfy again and by the time she left (on the 2nd) it was like finding the most deliciously naughty and hilarious and insightful book you haven�t read in ages and then leaving it on the bus before you got even a third of the way through it. So at the train station seeing them off while M gave hugs and wished them a safe journey and hoped they would be able to come again in June on their way to Canada, I just burbled and blathered and looked sad and had to resist the urge to run alongside as they pulled away. It was GREAT seeing her again and with any luck I�ll be able to fly out there in April for a week. In any case, because I was incapacitated for three weeks over the Festive Season with sickliness and then playing Jolly Hostess over New Year I have officially done NO WORK AT ALL for the essay that�s due in a mere six and a half weeks. I have three works of Derrida (Of Grammatology, Margins of Philosophy and Writing and Difference), Deleuze� wonderful mindfuck that sent me into a nightmare of brainmush last term Repitition and Difference plus countless articles and theory chapters and three novels. And then actually write a coherent, cohesive 5000 word essay. I am shitting myself. Purple.

FILE UNDER MAN, O MAN

1. Best dream of 2005 has got to be either the one in which Nelle was illustrating a book called the Dragon Fighter Guru�s Manual (it was green with an enormous angry dragon on the cover holding nunchucks

OR

when Nelle and I found a video game called Super Jesus and as you played you�d start being able to do the things Super Jesus did like fly and shoot people with your stun-gun eyes.

2. I had a *nap* last night (ie, I got home drunk at half8 and decided to *rest my eyes* before studying) that ended when M came calling at 1am after dooring at the Betsey and man was I cranky. That is until after he finished getting food and crashing into things and eating and turning out the light. Then I was WIDE AWAKE. So I�m squirmy and wriggling and he�s trying to hold me still so I�ll sleep and I keep asking him questions and giggling to myself and he�s falling further away from being able to answer and finally I HAVE TO get up and write this part down, which I do and find this morning after I get to work:

Sometime after half2 in the morning:

Me: Do you think sideburns originated because people wanted to look more like knights?
M: Please be quiet.

****meep