2004-07-12..4:37 p.m.

Due to the shake-ups in the office make-up of late I�ve got to work in a little of the sneaky to abuse the internet without getting too many disapproving looks and unwarranted accusations of wasting company time. But today I�m feeling reckless. Henceforth I refuse to fret and pace about such things.

I think I mentioned last week that I saw the Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players on Thursday. Well, I also got to hang out a bit with them over the weekend! Ah the Trachtenburgs� I�ve seen quite a few gigs in my time, but this lot is on a totally different scale. They make music by taking inspiration from old slides found at yard sales and fairs and things, so they wind up with really bizarre tunes about European boys out looking for sausage, and mountain trips to Japan, and somehow linking the Vietnam war with the atomic bomb and eggs. Very jangle pop and twee with a total 60s political counter-culture vibe. It�s lovely. AND they show the slides during their set, so you�ve got the crazy visuals too!

Weekends are surely a much sweeter occupation of focus and energy than the trifles of work. I�m feeling distinctly drudged up today. Like sewage. Like my work space is slowly invading my inner core and is threatening to eat me. Actually, no. It�s more like that scene in Alien where the thing suddenly erupts in a deluge of tentacles and slime from that kid�s stomach. That is how work is for me today.

Why?

Possibly (*possibly*) because I spent Friday dooring at the Betsey to a simply pigshitty mass of people and confusion which required a really rather large dose of *medicinal* wine to calm from; Saturday was spent in the lovely company of my bestest R drinking and eating and then having to door the Water Rats to another pigshitty mass of people and confusion which required several quantities of gin to take the sting off; and then Sunday, the meander around Spitalfields and the wander in Finsbury Park forested areas and cooking of the vast amounts of foodstuffs* left me deliciously drained and weary, which left Sunday night to be collapsed in front of a film.** All in all a delightful time I will say, but rather a lot to pack into a girl as not so wholly huge as me. Maybe it�s not so much Monday attempting to excavate my soul as my liver attempting to free itself from its prison.

*I love love LOVE cooking. Perhaps not so much cooking as experimenting. There is something quite satisfying about taking several seemingly unconnected ingredients and watching something delicious emerge. In this vein I discovered the delicate beauty of pear and avocado guacamole, the humbling delights of mango and cucumber salsa (or mango and cucumber sandwich�s.. Quite frankly, if you have mango, and you have cucumber, you�re rolling. It�s a taste sensation. It�s sweeping the nation. It�s the latest craze kiddies, so hop aboard! This train is moving!), the pop-fizz of boiling your pasta with coriander, the mouthwatering awe of a blue stilton, spinach and fig on Soya and Linseed Vogel (I can�t really find an adequate link for this, except to tell you that this is PRIZE WINNING BREAD. It is truly THE BEST bread in the world.. I�m hungry..)

**have you seen Secretary? I generally flat out refuse to buy films because they are not books and thus I will likely only want to watch them the one time (as opposed to books which I will read until the pages fall out) HOWEVER there are a few exceptions to this rule. Fight Club is one, Two for the Road is another, Memento is a must, and Secretary is most definitely a clean fourth. The depth of emotion, not to mention the sheer erotic value is entirely exacting.

I was exaggerating a little up there. This afternoon is going much better than this morning, but I do rather feel like I need to simply collapse gently atop a hugely fantastically large pillow, encased in someone�s arms and sleep. I want someone to come over when they�re finished for the day, and tell me stories, and stroke my hair, and kiss me softly, and I promise not to be so grumpy and to smile a lot and laugh at their jokes and giggle calmly and tickle them back and grab at their nose and delight in their very presence. And maybe get kinda wriggly and oral and stuffs. You know I do feel better with that in mind. Yes I do.

What was I saying about internet abuses? Jesus. Right. Hope your weekend was spun of something fine and shiny.