2004-08-16..4:58 p.m.

I was just thinking about beer. We bought 8 whole cans of some crappy lager called Castlemaine XXXX � the four X�s are probably supposed to indicate how super strong and dangerous and masculine it is, don�t listen. The four X�s should be interpreted as negative assertions of how much you do NOT want to drink this hop-y mudwater. The way a very small child with a limited vocabulary vehemently stresses their opposition to being made to wear socks. �NO-no-no-no! No-no-no-no! Nonononononononono.� We bought these eight whole cans because they were going for �5, which indeed told us the extent of its craptacular nature, but our desire for beer on the cheap overrode and so ignored the Kronenberg and Leffe and went with Castlemaine four-X�s. All the same, in the future, I will say no to Castlemaine four X�s.

Aside from a husk of bean that decided to glue itself to the back of my

tongue in a spot I can't reach, this afternoon has been a walk in the park(ing lot� there are no proper parks near here). Less whoozy, less weak and impeded my by puny stick-figure arms, more smiley and certainly more awake. you know dear ones, I�m almost certain, I�ve been a little (tiny, minscule, ickle bits) tense of late, despite all the nummy foodstuffs and lovely conversations and gorgeous sex. And I think most of it's been pms-bluesy blahness, and part of it hoopy sleep-deprivation, and some because I�m not so used to remembering my dreams as I was and feel the urge to analyse them until my teeth fall out. But some of it too is simply that I feel O SO VERY VERY MUCH that M is the most spiffing and delightful beam of sunshine ever to light me up from the inside and I don't really know that I have, can, should tell him as much as I have, want to.

You know what I despise in myself when I get in relationships? That I CONSTANTLY want to talk about feelings and emotions and it gets BORING! But

I know I only want to do so because I�m so new to those feelings and emotions that if I don't talk about them I. Will. Burst. Like a balloon filled with jello. So I have to let out the sugary stuff in little small oozes because I�d rather not deal with the mess that would inevitably be left if I let the jello spew in one go.

Do you remember the Munsters? What a totally crap show that was. It tried to be all Addams Family and failed so miserably it makes you want to cry. Or made me want to cry.

But then seeing as I�m such a *girlie* that�s hardly surprising. Girlie. PAH! Screw you O VILEPMSBRAIN! THIS IS NO GIRLIE! This is a girl on PMS, but NO GIRLIE! Did you ever get those ads over here with the model of a brain made out of telephone wire, or the eggs all wholesome and in its shell, in one shot and then the wires being cut and the egg getting fried in the other? And the caption in the first shot (in a deep sinister crawling Department of Health voice) �This is your brain,� and in the second �This is your brain on drugs�� Well, this is a Girl (picture of me all hoopy and contemplating the inner workings of the anti-lesbian portrayal in spy literature and the metaphysical nuances of hypothetical performance art in supermarkets involving scouring pads and giggly at rubber chickens and couldn�t give a shit about how she looks) and THIS (quick pan to sobbing, frowny-faced claustrophobic who�s brushed her hair and frets about clothes and tummy weight, cries because she can�t find a pen, then throws said pen at first person who dares hand her one for their FUCKING INCOMPETENCE YOU ASSHOLE I WAS LOOKING FOR A GREEN PEN and spends the rest of the day both apologising and unable to complete sentences or stay on topic) IS A GIRL ON PMS. I know which I prefer. It�ll be over in a couple of days and I will begin again to speak in philosophies and in literature and in stoooopid thoughts and mildly mad ambitions. Cross my heart and dip it in honey. Thank Fuck.

Right, I�ve got to run to the loo and check out the insane diesel-fuelled mosquito bites on my shoulder (seriously, they�re HUGE! They�re GOBBLING my freckles!) I�ve also got to go steal some more coffee and get the post ready for takeoff.

****meep is running like a velociraptor is about to bite her ass