2004-03-22..5:11 p.m.

I got four hours sleep last night because my brain has decided it�s not loopy enough, also my room started vibrating worryingly a little after 4am (trains? earthquake? martian invasion?) and I couldn�t get back to sleep, so I apologise in advance.

First, and there is no delicate way of putting this, however.. Did you know male sharks are equipped with a penis called a clasper? That they in fact have TWO, keeping one as a spare? That in order to mate this insert their clasper into the anus of the female and release their sperm? Did you know this? Because I didn�t until today. This is the sort of information I really think they ought to teach in school. Sex Ed of the Animal Kingdom. I�m getting kind of pissed off that I have lived this long without knowing about the double penis of the shark and the fact that they do it up the bum.

With that out of my system, this is what else I found out over the weekend:

a. I wish Flatmate Emma�s friend Sam were Flatmate Sam and that Flatmate Emma were just Flatmate Sam�s friend.

b. Eating too much salt will leave you purse-lipped and leather-tongued, no matter how much Orangina you may drink

c. My entirely unfounded secret concern that whatever it is separating sinus cavity from plush grey matter will corrode unnoticed if one consumes too much fizzy liquid resulting in slow suffocation as you literally drown in Vanilla Coke and Cream Soda has no effect when purse-lipped and leather-tongued. I had two.

d. If I were still in Toronto I would be interviewing the Von Bondies in approximately 21.33 hours. Instead I am here. Bitter and salty. Like a bad tequila shot.

However, I am not mopey or frownyface! Can you guess why? Can you? You won�t. Not in a million years. I�ll tell you.

a. My hair looks strangely fantastic.

b. The Truck Festival tickets are for sale and the line-up is shaking. You should pay SERIOUS ATTENTION to this. If not because no one needs a reason to get their groove thing on for three days straight, than for the good of your health. It�s held in a bunch of fields in airiest lightest Oxfordshire, next best thing to the seaside. (http://www.truckrecords.com/)

c. I am leading a revolution of trained snapping tulips out from under the thumb of the oppressive daffodil tyranny. Bullfrogs have been recruited. The Dutch have been informed. You better watch your step, there�s no coming back once you hit the bad books. However, Che activities pale in comparison, because most importantly of all:

d. I got the I Am Kloot review!!

I! FUCKING! RULE! And I might get Nic Armstrong too. The Von Bondies can kiss themselves.

Did you watch the rugby? (Do you watch rugby?) Did Wales win? I never did find out.

****meep