2004-02-17..11:50 a.m.

I just got an email from Nelle. She's got some weird medical abnormality and she's having to go to a HOSPITAL. IN MLADA BOLESLAV. Where they don't speak ENGLISH. She�s apparently bleeding and, of course, immediately thinks it�s something terminal, which means that I�m now thinking it�s something terminal. And she�s told me not to panic, which I won�t do, at least not directly at her. I hate this. I�m too far away to be of any use, too poor to just hop on a plane; getting in touch w her is near impossible to begin with, let alone when I really need to. I feel like screaming and crying and crawling under a table so I�ve got something to bang my head against.

Right. That tactic is not working. I�m going to try to revert to classic denial and self-illusion until I�m instructed otherwise.

meep