31.12.05..1:12 am

Anakin Skywalker was on my flight home.

We were queuing to go through security in Milan wherein I commented that surely they (being the Milan airport authority) realise that we've all had to go through the x-ray brainscan metal-detector machines back in Toronto when a snort erupted next to me and a voice added, "Guess they don't trust of their own staff all that much. What do they think's happening? We're getting Weapons of Mass Destruction handed out with our inflight meal?" I turn and it's Anakin fucking Skywalker. I shit you not.

Given the total of eight hours sleep I've had over the past five days, I could easily have mistaken him for a hallucination, but Matthew was there and confirmed his presence (hahahaha) by poking me in the side repeatedly and grinning manically, though very discreetly. Unlike the girl behind us who decided to inform Ani that she was heading to Edinburgh, in a manner that suggested she would totally be up for a New Year's invitation into the dark side and would have no problem shining his saber.

LOWLIGHTS OF THE NORTH AMERICAN WILDS

1. Arguing constantly with Mum for the first ten days.

2. Somehow managing to spend somewhere in the region of eight billion dollars on nothing. Or at least $700. Whichever is bigger.

3. Somehow managing to not hook up with half the people I know in Toronto and neglect to introduce Matthew to two of my favourite Torontonians.

4. Our first nine hours in New York. Literally enough time to have dinner before our train pulled out to take us back up to the mouldy North. What a memorable time that was. We ended up getting held up at American customs for an hour while the Least Efficient Security Team in the World attempted to sift out the terrorists and then charged $6US for our trouble. When we finally got to the hotel we discovered that the internet Had Lied. The front entrance was in some back alley, we were given a room even smaller than my old bedroom, the sort that you just KNEW cockroaches would have vacationed in during the summer if it weren't for the fact the water pipes had it in for the wall and were trying to Shawshank their way out.

5. Not being able to pack Uncles and Aunties in my suitcase and bring it home to London.

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE NORTH AMERICAN WILDS

1. Remembering how much I love Toronto by showing off to Matthew everything that rocks my world beyond comprehension. Uncles and Aunties at College and Bathurst being one of the first.

2. Taking Matthew to meet some people down at Planet Kensington and being serenaded for the entire night by Mr Christmas and Jimbo - an aged punk drum/organ combo who's honky-tonk renditions of Christmas fav's had younger punklets and biker hippies lining up to get in.

3. NEW YORK BABY! The Secondhand Book Store and Cafe, Cafe Reggio, Pete's Candy Store.. Everything we chanced upon outside the tourist range was fantastic. That Statue of Liberty though ought to be renamed the Statue of Massive Disappointment. Time Square = just square. Empire State Building redeemed though: wonderful views despite not having The Audio. Standing in the most pointless queue I've ever managed we were drilled for half and hour that The Audio would save us. Every thirty seconds some butch horror with a unibrow would hold up a cardboard cutout of a walkie-talkie and yell, "I Strongly Suggest you get The Audio. You're gonna get up to the top and your gonna go 'Whaddum I lookin at? I dunno what that is! I wish I had The Audio!' Because there aren't any plaques up there folks. There's no one to ask whd your lookin at. You're gonna get up to the top and you can't come back down to pick one up. You gotta have The Audio, cus otherwise you'll be hitting yourself 'Why didn't I get The Audio?' That's what you'll be saying." Yet strangely enough, those plaques and helpful historically-minded people we were assured Would Not Be Up There, were in fact up there. Along with the views of All the Buildings! that Dominate! the Skyline! Contrary to ESB employee belief, we got to the top and we knew what we were looking at. It's possible that ESB employees would benefit from skipping Torture Training Induction meetings on their first day on the job and instead climb up to the top.

4. Finally purchasing something from Lilith on my last day in Toronto. They came through with the alterations a mere twenty minutes before we had to leave downtown to get home and pack. Lilith? I love you.

5. Moonbean coffee. It does not get better.

6. Christmas with my family and the man I love. All in the same room. It was great.

7. Picking up a ukelele to bring home to London and discovering an Iranian sithar player was on the same flight. In my sleep deprived state I had visions of impromptu onbroard jam sessions erupting in the night and the whole world joining hands. It was a beautiful thing.

Dude, I'm tired.

Anakin Fucking Skywalker. Be still my heart.

****emmms