2004-04-19..4:38 p.m.

I spent all of two days at work last week so had no time at all to write to any one. I will be writing properly VERY SOON because there is a great deal of WHAT THE FUCK'S happening at the moment. Apparently the Monster Crush) seems to think of me as an EQUAL in this little *thing* we've got going, and over the weekend asked Where This was Going. When I was still in my knickers. I hadn't even had any coffee. I was still buzzing on the after glow of good sex. It was like the words just kind of fell out his mouth and slopped down his shirt, and all I could do was stare at them in cringing embarrassment hoping he'd noticed and clean himself up before I had to say anything.

And don�t even get excited for me, because the reason for the explosion of this particular variety worms is that he just got out of a four year long term relationship and promised himself he wouldn�t jump into anything for a while. The big However is thus: it�s rare that you find someone you dig who digs you, and rare that you find someone you can lose three hours with just talking, and rarer still that you can find that in the same person. On that I tend to agree.

I don�t know. I wasn�t confused before, happily carrying on believing I was a passing phase of HIS not the other way around thank you very much, and now I�m a little spinky and befuddled. He completely just sprung it on me, I didn�t know how to answer (I kind of blagged out of it by telling him I�m not in any hurry here, and that I quite firmly believe it�s a bit early on to go boxing *this* into categories)(it�s not even been a month)(of semi-casual sex at that - it�s not even like we�ve gone out or anything) and spent the rest of the day in a bit of a weird haze that�s carried over to today. So yeah. Sunday was weird and spinky. Slept too late, smoked too much, pondered too heavily. Also, two days in a row at the Betsy doing the door for Very Loud Bands is quite enough for a girl to take.

Finished the Driver�s Seat, a Muriel Sparks book. I tell you now, (weird x squinky) + (Muriel Sparks x her inquiries into controlled suicide) = big fat brainfuck. Never the less, I wouldn�t hesitate to recommend it, exceedingly well written.

Anyway. tonight I�m doing the pub quiz with Steve from the band who has his own *thing* that he has to deal with. We�re giving not being attracted to each other a go. Jesus. What am I like.

Fucker. I�m off,

****meep