2004-04-06..5:13 p.m.

Have just discovered that YET ANOTHER one of the disks I�ve been assiduously and pain-stakingly (to the point of obsessive-compulsive) saving all my shit onto has mysteriously erased itself in the middle of the night, while the other two (the same two) are fine. Are the two survivor one�s ganging up on the third? Are they big floppy bullies that pick on weedy geek-rock disks? Maybe it�s a little runty and they�re just culling the herd, but man I wish they�d cut it out. Try fighting for dominancy or something instead, or how about multiplying like bunnies? Could they do that for me? Could they? So yes. Once again I�m in that sorry position of having to piece it all back together, however the discovery of this took place in a muchly sleep deprived state this morning and thus held the hope for far longer than genuinely plausible that if I blinked hard enough at the screen, it�d all magically reappear with a little note attached saying, Haha, fooled you!

I interviewed last night, which was excellent experientially because they�re Irish and impossible to understand, and kept making little jokes to each other that I�d catch half the time, and then the other half sort of sit there with what I hoped was an amusedly detached smile, but was in all likelihood a rather all-betraying grimace. Also they were most obliging with the answering of questions and so it was more like hanging out than scary formal q&a that creep me out and spook the bejeezes out of me. I�ve got a couple more interview types things on the way, one is for definite, and the other two pending. It�s all very exciting and weird. In a good way. But weird. And it�s been happening to a couple friends back home two. Parallel living.

I seem to be dreaming about organic foodstuffs. I have a rather clear and distinct memory of bartering for organic corn with someone wearing a red kerchief, which doesn�t match up to any actual experience I�ve ever had in real life (mind you, that does lead to various questions concerning the Real and the Essence of Constructed Reality, which for my purposes I�ll decline to get into today.) He looks a little like he should be gondoliering down a back water canal in Venice, or in one of those appalling claymation adverts for tomato sauces that rely solely on propagating stereotypes and belittling imagery to sell their otherwise flavourless product. Regardless, this same be-kerchiefed character has also recently been trying to flog an assortment of tofu products, and convincing me that my life would indeed be better if somewhere in the mix I were the proud owner of a brand new garden hoe. It�s green with a pine handle, he tells me. And perfect for tending carrots.

The past few days have been mentally hectic. Thursday was the Broken Family Band/Shins concert at the Water Rats, which was good but not great for the Broken Family boys. Did hang out a bit with Steven though afterwards. He�s just moved into my area (heehee.. I�m such a child) and have promised to show him the inner workings of cool in the Crouch End ghett-o. The Monster Crush picked me up and we went back to his. Still not sure about that. I really do dig him, but I don�t know. Has anyone noticed a pattern with me? Do I seem to lose interest in a person once I�ve slept with them? No? Yes? Maybe it�s just me, but all Friday I was wandering around in a Meh, kind of mood when I should have been Huzzah!-ing all over the place. I talked to Zan over the weekend and she thinks that it�s probably just me being over-weary and cautious because I don�t want to get hurt, but also that I let myself get knocked down by overcompensating my attempts to not expect too much. Anyway, so all weekend I�ve been doing that irritating girl thing and getting all worked up over little things and exhausting myself with a one-sided relationship without a. anything to back it up, and b. telling HIM I�m doing it. This is uber annoying and I need someone to bitchslap me.

My Weekend Roundup, Involving Much Shameless Splurging and Indulgences (not the feudal church kind)

Friday night I worked door at the Betsy with Matthew who is hilarious. His birthday is the week before mine, which makes him an undeniable Aries, which also makes him an undeniable giggle. He studied philosophy as well so our conversations ran the gauntlet of Descartian scruples and Foucauldian brainfuckery, to fun with bubbles and those sticky hand things that walk down walls. We�re going to be sharing Door again in a couple of weeks and I will be prepared. I�ve already asked the parental units for a travel Gone Fishin�! and chess set. Saturday I got my hair cut. As this is something that happens fairly rarely, I was really rather excited, if a little dubious as my usual Hair Stylist Guy left my usual Hair Styling Place. His name was Russell and he could honestly have been one of those lumberjacks leaping from tree to tree in the fresh mountain air of British Colombia. Big and burly, he�d sort of attack you gently with a hair brush and scissors and suddenly you looked fabulous. Anyway, this time I got Laurel. 6 feet of Australian girly goodness. Wee little girly crush action happening here. She was just so cool and untamed. All the other girls were dolled up and haired to the nines and she was just in jeans and a plain grey t-shirt, long curly locks hanging kind of lank and ignored. She sat on a stool behind me and played for a bit with the nape of my neck, examining lengths and looking serious, before getting down to it. We�ve come up with a Hair Plan, in which I�m going to have to show some unusual signs of patience and wait a whole two visits before my hair is long enough to be the style I want. BUT when I asked her when I should next come in, she looked at me like you do a puppy trying to play with a ball of string and said, Sweetie, whenever you next feel you need a cut. I love her.

Sunday was a day of intense Spitalfieldsing and enjoying in all things micro (mini + t-shirt + blazer = macro good times). There are a couple of vintagey places I love down that way, which remind me of Kensington Market in Toronto, yet another added plus from the whole new outfit under �50 loveliness; and I can walk down too, only an hour and a bit from Stroud, but well worth it in both the saving of gym costs and bus fare. I sound so thrifty. Sunday was also a day of getting sausage and mashed. Full veggie-no eggie brekkie. Yum factor rising exponentially with the fact I got to have grilled field mushrooms, bubble and squeak (heehee) and NOT ONE BUT TWO vegetarian sausies. O such is a place called heaven. After that it was just George and me (Orwell that is) on a homage to Catalonia. And walking home until the clouds above opened up and shat on me between bus stops.

This has taken me all day to write. Not because I�m a particularly slow typist, rather it�s been that sort of day. Deliberate and constant with few breaks.

Toodle pip!

****meep