11.04.05..3:49 pm

For your enjoyment, I present to you, part of an email I sent Nelle today in response to her threats/concerns that I'd 'For the love of God, better not be dead, Fucker. And when's your birthday anyway?' (sent to me because I'm the worst best friend in the world due to my having inexplicably, unless essays/research/no life come into it, stopped communicating):

"I'm 25 in three days. on the 14th. I'm not liking how close it is, not at all because I'm not looking foward to 25 (24 was great, why should 25 be any different) but because it will mean I've all of three week's to get these fucking essays finished and if I've not got all of them rough drafted by Friday I'll cry. I may even slit my wrists and then really be dead.

All the same I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am to be in the Getting Presents mode again. Not getting presents sucks ass.

Did I just write that? I think that's possibly one of the most assinine, materialistic things I've ever said. Please excuse me, and maybe don't send the package as punishment. Except don't do that, because not getting presents sucks. It sucks ass."

I think that qualifies as still more proof of why I really need not to be sitting at a computer, and possibly why I should continue not emailing people. (Though it may also prove why I ought to get back into the habit, if solely so I stop writing such rubbish.)

This not communicating thing with people is actually really getting me down. I miss the bantering. I miss the giggles about stupid shit, and the way half the people I know make me laugh out loud when they write to me. I would say I miss Toronto, except that it's not Toronto I miss, just the people I associate with it. And even then, half of them aren't even there any more. I think I just miss being in the know. These days I know nothing. About anything. Except postmodern crises of masculinity, and the language of masturbation in literature, and Gay Hitchcock.

I know nothing about anything USEFUL.

I think this is the only really shitty thing about being away from home: having a birthday come up and wanting to celebrate it with everyone who's not here. That's what really sucks. Ass.