2004-08-18..12:41 p.m.

If you were me then yesterday you�d have learned that:

1. Sometimes sexual harassment pays.

Meep-oppa-lulu: DUDE! Gimme some sugah! I want and I want it now. NOW! I say it loud and proud NOW! In the form of the sweet sweet lovin', none of that marshmallow Easter Baby Chicken-shaped Peeps, you hear? (they make me sickly, the grossness of yellow dye it is). Where was I? Um..Erm..Sugah! That's right, c'mon pumpkin send a little this way. O yeah, baby! Send me some sugah!

Grundy le Zimba: Ok.

And when we got home last night, lo but he delivered a bagload of that M Brand Sugar mm mmm yeah bayybee.

(This Sexual Harrassment Message was brought to you by the makers of Durex who want you to get some tonight)

2. As soon as you stop hurting emotionally/mentally you will endeavour to kill yourself. Or at least walk into every door you pass through before opening it up and smash your right hand repeatedly against every wall/desk/lamp in your office. Seriously. Since the PMS stopped I seem to be after the physical manifestation of the pain and anguish that wrecked my senses and clattered leadenly in my misshapen brain all last week. It�s not fun, though oddly symmetrical if you consider the swollen hashpipe mosquitoes have made out of my left ankle.

3. e-Bay was sent by the Internet Gods to taunt me. Perfect and beautiful offerings in the shape of red professor satchels (to replace the burgundy professor bag I wore into the ground), and vintage Puma�s, and pale pink open-toed two inch-heeled sandals with tiny gold clasps, and a plethora of original skirts from the 50s that hide a multitude of sins and give the effect of a cinch waist which in turn creates a breasty appeal you so rarely enjoy (or I don�t). Perfect and beautiful offerings in the guise of Garbage Pail Kids, and a small stuffed Slimer, and Connect Four in it�s original packaging, unopened. You will not win, Internet Gods! I Will Not Succumb!

4. Eating a load of cookies then drinking a load of water then not eating anything else but a sole apple for the next four hours and partaking in a glass or three of wine accompanied by numerous cigarettes will lead to getting mightily pissed on a school night and the possibility that you will loudly proclaim your want for sexual satisfaction in several different foreign accents.

****meep