2004-07-08..5:00 p.m.

Every day this week has sort of revolved around a theme, at least clothingwise (because lets face it, the Everytheme of my life is on the Welcome to Templand! Where All Your Dreams Shatter, But You Will Learn to Appreciate With Grovelling Thanks and Goodwill the Fact that You DO NOT HAVE TO DO THIS FOREVER! train, really.)(See? There�s always a positive.) Seriously running the gauntlet from Slinky Retro Office Geek (1970s library jacket over lacy things, and jeans) to Flouncy Breasty Bobby Socker (full green skirt with one of those little cardie things that make your boobs kind of pop) to today, where Japanese School Girl is the name of my game (from the knees up, very much the Office Broad; from the knees down superlong now scrunched down tiny bands of neon stripey black socks and white soled Gola�s.) I much prefer my days when I begin them with a dose of Dress-Up.

I�m reading The Beautiful and Damned.

I hung out with the MC yesterday and to my VERY GREAT surprise, I�m not sure if I dig him so very very much as I once did. His status may have fallen from Monster Crush to Mungo Crush, or Middling Crush. This may be because I�ve not really hung out with him in ages, so the glare of his radiance has started to tone it down a bit. It may be because of the things that were doing things over the weekend, so I�ve other things to think about it. It may be because every now and then he does that total Aries Boy Thing in which you suddenly start wondering if he agrees with you on how hot as you think he is, and starts getting both slightly-though-unwarrantedly territorial (we�ve established that we aren�t exclusive, both seeing other people, and haven�t in fact seen each other [naked] in about two weeks) and dismissive (towards Matthew - this is utterly uncalled for considering WE AREN�T EXCLUSIVE! WE�RE BOTH SEEING OTHER PEOPLE! I don�t walk around all �Poor [His Other Girl], she doesn�t know about me, aren�t I so sneaky and sexy because of it!� so I�d appreciate a little of the same from dude ESPECIALLY as we�re all in this weird little lust triangle together. It pisses me off.)

I left my brolly at home. I deserve to get rained on.

I rescued a bumble bee this afternoon that I had earlier protected from accidental death by wandering feet. It had come in search of me again, crawling hesitantly across the kitchen floor. I spoke soft and soothing words to keep it from worrying, and sliding a slip of paper beneath it, eased a glass over top, then carried it to the window. At the very moment I released it the sun poured a shaft of light into the slate roof of the garage below and for the briefest of moment its fat yellow down could be seen against the thick grey of incoming clouds.

The Jukebox in my mind is playing thus (in chronological order as of half6 this morning):

1. Wannabe (Spice Girls � there is no reason for this. I do my best not to think of the Spice Girls. I just woke up after a dream about tiny crawling cockroaches to this. In my head. With tiny brown cockroaches.)

2. The Astronomers Song (Monty Python, Meaning of Life � there is every reason in the WORLD for this, especially first thing in the morning. It�s a brilliant beautiful song that makes you feel deliciously tiny and puts things in perspective quite immediately.)

3. European Boys (The Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players � I�m seeing them tonight! I�ve met Mom and Dad Trachtenburg, but no little Rachel yet. Very exciting.)

4. Dedicated to the One I Love (Mama�s and Papa�s � it just popped up early this afternoon and stayed there)

5. Satisfaction (the Cat Power version � so slow and sensual. Makes me all tingly in a good way)

6. Southern States (The Essex Green � lazy afternoon kind of song. It was a lazy afternoon, after all.)

Given that a week ago my brain was on a strict Ramones/Franz Ferdinand diet, there is no order to that at all. I don�t know what to say. It must be the ubiquitous and ludicrous amount of sugar I�ve consumed over the past few days.

I�m feeling the Ego chasing the Id.

I really must go.

****meep