2004-05-26..4:07 p.m.

I awoke this morning to discover I�ve a rather pulsing and heinous furuncle burrowing its way out of my left temple, pus-filled equivalent to Brow Sprouts and Unexplained Bruises. It�s temple helminthemesis. Except without the worms. Jesse Malin was more interesting to interview than to watch. I left feeling underwhelmed. But did get taken out for an expense account dinner: Pumpkin and Aubergine pizza! That fact that I needed not to pay for a thing made getting the good foods and then the goodly drunkness all the better.

Right. So this is just a little aside. And after it�s over, let�s pretend I never said anything because I like to try not to be confrontational when I know it�ll come back and bite me on the ass. I love my flat, I love my area, I don�t want to move, but if I have to come downstairs in the morning to find Emma�s stuck a bag of rubbish on top of my shoes one more time, I may scream. It�s like having a an enormous straw tabby whose litterbox I�ve kind of forgotten to change who keeps taking dead spiders or novelty sushi I might have lying about the house and dropping them in my shoes. She�s punishing me for something, I�ve just no idea what is it.

Email conversations are dangerous at the best of times, but when they crack you up while you are AT WORK and they�re in reference to boobie magazines and naughty assistants..

steve: "Topless A-GoGo"

me: What about it?

steve: what is it?

me: A made up boob mag for indie boys in training.

steve: In training for what? Made up boobs?

me: in training for swinging parties where there will be naked breasts and gyrating hips and a decided lack of morals.

steve: i never had any training for those things; i had to work it all out for myself. some people just get lucky.

steve: actually, i must be weak today, because just the mention of 'naked breasts' and 'gyrating hips' has got me in a low-grade frenzy. think i need an office assistant of my own ...

We�ve been having fun with office assistants. Or rather, we�ve been having fun coming up with specifics for an office assistant that mostly include handling Nether Desk Duties, and keeping rumours to a minimum. Then we have fun enacting what we�d make our Office Assistant do. It�s a dirty job, but somebody�s gotta do it (ho! ho!)(O Stop it! I�m killing me!)

K. That�s it for real.

****meep