2004-02-18..2:50 p.m.

Well I didn't call. I did minimal panicking and only nearly cried once. All day today and all day yesterday I've been introspective and worried. And back to the starting stages of Unable to Sleep. I'll hopefully be able to talk to her tonight or tomorrow and learn whether it's really something to worry about properly, or if it's something that will be cleared up shortly. Either way, I've been looking into commute prices to Prague, *just-in-case*. In short, I am hopelessly awaiting further instructions.

In order to distract myself from not calling I watched the Brit Awards (wherein Busted somehow managed to win British Breakthrough Artist award which is utterly fucked up considering they were up against the Darkness and Dizzee Rascal, who, by the way, was completely shafted last night. Insanely talented, mind-bogglingly progressive, from deprived background yet managed to rise to top in ways previously unparalleled [slight exaggeration]. Don�t worry Dizzee, you�re number one in my Breakthrough Artist Books. Just in case you were, you know) and rubbed vitamin E oil on my palms.

I have eczema on my hands that is driving me crazy. I usually have a little eczema, just kind of there beneath the surface to remind me it�s there, but when I�m stressed it goes out of control. So last night, vitamin E it was. (If I had a favourite vitamin, it would be E. It�s so versatile and oily. Maybe vitamin K. I don�t know what vitamin K does exactly, I just like the way it sounds) Regardless, if itchy palms mean near-future influx of wealth, I will be rolling in it come Friday.

It�s a good thing it�s quiet this week at work, because Waiting For Instructions seems to mean that I�ve lost control of my No Swearing At Work, and No Smoking During the Day rules. I�ve also been spending an inexcusable amount of time on the internet, partly searching for the cheapest ticket to the Czech Rep possible (justincase) and partly to push aside all my Worst Case Scenario thoughts that threaten to override.

I miss Now magazine. It�s a Toronto free weekly, and fucking great. If you are able to read Now do, and think of me who must make do with the online version.

If you�ll excuse me, I need to get back to being distracted from scarier things.

meep